Uncertainty and the Character of God

Have you ever been excited and uncertain at the same time?

It's like that time when you were seventeen, and after three summers of hard work and savings you're finally buying your first used car. The moment you've been waiting for is finally here. You've found the right car and you love everything about it. It's even your favorite color! Sure, it needs some love and attention, but it will be a joy to vacuum the carpet and polish the wheels, and Dad says that he can make that ticking noise in the engine go away. You couldn't be more excited to spend two thousand dollars. But as you slowly hand over the jar of cash (the one that you've been hiding in your closet for as long as you can remember) you get a sinking feeling in your gut and a thousand thoughts instantly fill your mind. Is this a good investment? What if the car has serious problems? Maybe there's a better deal somewhere else.

Maybe you're moving away to college. Maybe you just signed the papers for the mortgage on a new house. Perhaps you just now found out that your wife is pregnant. Amidst great joy can also be great uncertainty, fear, impatience, or doubt.

I recently heard a pastor explain it like this in a prophetic word:

"You've just arrived at the base of a mountain and there's a fog that surrounds all that you can see right now. Eventually you will climb high enough to be past the fog, and you will clearly see the prize waiting at the top of the mountain. But until then, God wants you to know he loves you and is faithful to guide you."

For this season of life, I need that word. If you read my last blog post you'll know how I came to the decision to leave my family, my home, and my church to join a church plant in the city. When I wrote that post, I was far enough away from the mountain to see the bigger picture. In time, I will be far enough up the mountain to know what made it all worth the journey. But for now... I'm in the thick of the fog.

Tomorrow is my first Sunday to join the church plant team. I know very little about the people here, yet they will soon be the only source of weekly fellowship for me. After eight years of being in the same place, I'm used to the same routine every Sunday morning. Tomorrow all that will change. I'll even be serving in ways I've never served before. I really just don't know what tomorrow holds. The whole idea is as ambiguous as it is intriguing.

In almost every case the fog of uncertainty brings anxiety. Sometimes it brings a fearful anxiety... the kind that I'm very familiar with. Other times it brings an impatient anxiety. This is the one I'm struggling with now. I'm not overly fearful. My soul is not bereft. I just can't see as well as I used to, and I'm growing impatient for the things to come.

No one has been so influential in my anxiety battles over the years as John Piper. His insights always shed light on the darkest corners of my heart and redirect me to God, who is glorified with us being content and satisfied in him. His book "Battling Unbelief" has helped me immensely, and I highly recommend it. This is what he says about the root of anxiety:

"...Jesus says [in Matthew 6:30] that the root of anxiety is inadequate faith in our Father's future grace... [it] is a failure to trust all that God has promised to be for us in Jesus." 

He also says regarding impatience:

"It's what we begin to feel when we start to doubt the wisdom of God's timing or the goodness of God's guidance."

The wisdom, the goodness, and the grace of God. Does he really have to prove it to us again as he has done so many times? Yet, at the first sight of fog, how quick we are to doubt all of him. He has not changed. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever (Hebrews 13:8). Oh, for grace to trust him in every season!

By grace I can say that God is building faith in me. In the past two weeks, God has shown me his particular love for me, revealed in his saving work on the cross. He has also amazed me by the wisdom of his will and the goodness of his guidance. I may be uncertain of the days ahead, but I've never been more certain of his character. I don't despise the fog if he would use it to bring me closer to him.

Times of uncertainty can lead to doubt. However, they can also be wonderful opportunities that build faith in us. If you are listening, he is faithful to teach. He wishes that we waste no season of life, but bring him glory in every station. If he has proven his perfect character in times past, can't we trust that he will prove it in the future?